35) My sixth soup run

Friday 27th August

I wasn't going to go on the soup run last night. I thought I should really do some dissertation writing instead.

However, I have begun to realise going on the soup run is as beneficial to me as it is to the people we serve. After spending a day sitting at a computer, to get outside in the evening to meet new people and do something practical is an enjoyable break. I find the whole experience exhilarating.

When we are preparing the food and gathering toiletries to hand out I often think, 'I need some toothpaste...' I have to remind myself, 'No...you're a student...not homeless.'

Volunteering reminds me why I am doing the project. Without taking photographs, without recording people's stories, just listening and spending time with people means I am practicing what I preach. And I love it!

When we arrived they were about 60 people. It was a busy night and there was a great buzz!

I was handing out sandwiches. I find it funny how picky people are when they are getting free food.

"Can I have brown bread"

"Can I have egg instead of tuna, it's a bit lighter on the stomach."

"Can I have a chocolate bourbon biscuit?...What do you mean you don't have any...that's a disgrace"

I girl walked up to me and starred, I said:

"Would you like a sandwich?"

"Yeah, ham, cheese and egg."

"Sorry, you're only allowed one each."

" but I just arrived."

"oh...em...ok"

I gave her three.

she wins.

There was a tall, black, slim lady, probably in her 20s. I don't know why but she seemed so much older than me. Her voice, her stance, her confidence. She made me feel like a little girl. I think it's because when she speaks she doesn't smile.

Now that I think about it. Most people, when asking for a sandwich would smile as they say it. Or their tone of voice would go higher. Her's didn't.

I heard a tall camp man say, "Oh they are giving out bread rolls! I must get some bread rolls!"

I laughed.

As I was walking around with my bag of tuna sandwiches a man complimented my hair. I offered him a sandwich. He started talking about star signs. He says he has come across Libra's before...apparently I'm balanced. The man said he used to be a plumber, but he lost his driving license, and he can't carry all of his tools. He says he has two weeks to wash out all the toxins in his body to pass his blood test. I asked him how he was going to do that. He said drink water and eat protein. He said he was embarrassed to be eating from the soup run, because in reality he can afford a tin of beans, he just can't be bothered to cook them. I said there was nothing to be embarrassed about, it's a great place to meet new people. He agreed. He wanted to know what age I was. I told him to guess. He said 34.

He tried to rectify the situation and said 19. The damage was already done.

His friends came over and said, "Just get her number and you two can sort it out between yourselves."

I offered the friend a sandwich.

He left, after giving me an awkward kiss on both cheeks.

I met the man who had been on Britain's got Talent. He says he is going to be on it again this year. He said he had been with a girl who looked like me yesterday. Same height, same hair, but apparently she looked quite young, like a teenager.

A young guy was very restless waiting for 10:00pm. He would not stay still. He was waiting to get a train at 10:00 to Bolton for a house party, he was going to return the following afternoon. He really did live for a friday night! He said he was summoned to attend. His teeth were black.

An old man approached me. This conversation lasted for about 10 minutes.

He said, "Do you want me to save plastic bags and bring them next week for you?"

I replied, "Oh I think we're ok for plastic bags. But thank you."

He said, "I used to volunteer for cafe charity, and I always saved plastics bags. But I quit for private reasons and since then I havn't been saving my plastic bags. If I had of known, I would have saved my plastic bags for you."

Slightly confused.

I replied, "No really, don't worry about it, I think we have plenty of plastic bags."

He said, "They will be from asda, if that's ok?"

I replied, "Yes! Lovely, plastic bags from asda would be great, thank you very much."

He said, "No problem."

I have no idea how that conversation got turned around.

A young guy came over to me:

He said, "Do you remember me?"

I replied, "Of course I do, I met you at the day centre, I saw you in the car the other week and I saw you on the news!"

I asked him why he was on the news?

He said, "because I have been homeless for 14 months."

Granada Report : Kevin

http://www.itv.com/granada/helping-the-homeless31081/

Kevin is waiting for his pregnant girlfriend to get out of jail so they can get a flat together.

He had a fishing rod with him, he bought it for £20.

I saw him on my way home.

He jumped out in front of me for a laugh.

I thought I had died.

He is a really nice friendly guy.

You start to build friendships but you have to keep your distance for safety reasons.

A lady brought a dog with her. I love dogs. I wanted to give him food. My leaders said, "that's why she has brought the dog, to get more food."

It worked.

I see a prostitute storming off screaming about something. Apparently one of the prostitutes is a bully and took her money.

On the way back my leader told me sometimes women carry babies, uncovered, in the winter months to get more sympathy and food.

That's horrific.

34) Just Thinking

I have started realising I don't really switch off from thinking about the people I meet on the streets. Especially at night when I close my window because it's too cold and I get into my bed and listen to the rain outside. I just wonder where they are and can't imagine how they must be feeling.

To earn a little money I do waitressing, often at big parties and events. I realised that last week I served both millionaires and homeless people. Two social groups at completely different ends of the spectrum! I was serving the lords and ladies of Yorkshire and the ladies who work the streets.

I noticed that my manner was completely the same during the two different situations, "Hello, would you like a cup of tea?" "Can I get you anything else?" I spoke with the same tone, the same smile and with the same attitude.

I noticed that although the two parties of people visually appeared very different, they acted the same. They were both drunk, they were both looking for drugs and they were both showing off.

Albeit, they were showing off about different things.

At the millionaire's birthday party:

"Say Richard, didn't I see you in a very nice car yesterday?"

"Yaa, Henry, I don't really know much about cars, but it gets me from A to B."

"Oh yaa." They laugh.

I roll my eyes as I hold the name plate for their table.

At the soup run on Friday night:

" I'm cold now, because I'm only wearing a vest, but I don't care, I have a tent and a double layered sleeping bag! It is so warm, I slept right through till 6:00pm the other day, because I was so warm! It stayed up during the floods and everything! I have got a little gas canister too, I have it made!"

I said, "Really? Where is it?"

He replied, "Mancunian Way."

I thought to myself, I'm heading to V festival next week ... I havn't got a tent.

From serving the different people I personally thought the homeless people had a bit more class.

They said please and thank you.

33) My Fifth Soup Run

Tonight was a really successful soup run!

Having spent all day stressing about jobs, accommodation, studying etc, the soup run really helps put things into perspective.

I arrived and one of the volunteers was now sporting a tag on his ankle. He told me he had been in jail for 9 months previously, drug related, and the tag came about from 'taking the rap for a mate' regarding theft. He could not come with us on the soup run as he now has a curfew to be home for 8:30pm.

When we arrived at Hoyle street I saw the two street working girls who I am usually quite scared of. They were actually really approachable this evening, one said, "ohh I wish I was wearing your hat, I'm so cold, earlier I was in shorts and a see through top."

It is a nice hat.

They were starving, and couldn't wait to eat. The girl Meg, was really concerned about Matty, who sits in the car. I have photographed his hand, giving the finger. She said he has had another stroke and he shouldn't be allowed to drive his car. She said he has to use his hands, to lift his leg to press the break. She explained that he does not have permission from the doctor to drive and he doesn't have a license. She wanted us somehow to get his car taken off him, but also mentioned without his car he couldn't get to the soup run to eat and would probably be arrested. She kept repeating "don't say I told ya. Please don't say I told ya!" Apparently Matty had smashed a bottle towards her and tried to knock her down, although she still thinks the world of him.

I asked where she was staying tonight and she shrugged her shoulders. She said she can stay at Matty's as long as she brings in £40 of crack. She said, "but I don't wanna work tonight."

It's such a shame.

Everyday people say that, "I don't wanna work." But the meaning can be so different.

There was a good crowd tonight, maybe 50 people?

There is a man I always see who I think looks like a proper homeless guy! Backpack, Hoodie, sleeping bag etc. If you were to draw a homeless person...

I have always wanted to talk to him, but he's pretty quiet and keeps himself to himself. Tonight he said, "can I have a bit of hot chocolate in my coffee?"

I said, "excuse me?"

He said, "it's really nice." I poured a bit in. He said, "wooow that's enough." I said," Oh sorry, I wouldn't want to ruin your coffee!" He laughed.

Another man backed him up! It is really nice you know... you should try it!

By this point I felt obliged.

For your information... It is very nice.

A couple arrived, the woman was obese and she and her partner were very drunk. The woman had a bruised face, all down one side, from her head to her chin. Her eye was badly swollen and everything was black. I have seen a bruise or a black eye before, but never the whole side of a face. She had been very badly beaten, repeatedly.

I later found out she was 3 months pregnant.

As I watched them sitting on the kerb, starring into space, struggling to sit up, I couldnt help but think of her unborn child. They will be sleeping rough tonight. For the sake of that baby I hope someone gives them accommodation fast.

A woman came storming up to me, "I was about to give up on you!" she shouted. "Me? what, why?" I asked. She yelled, "I was here at a quarter to 6!" I said, "We don't usually come till 7:30?" She said, "Well, I wasn't going to come back, but I'm out on a walk, so you're lucky!"

I wasn't sure how to feel? Confused, guilty, sorry ...... or lucky?

A woman called Alice arrived in tears. Her mouth was swollen like a snooker ball. She has an ulcer with an abscess on it. The pain is unbearable and i don't know what she is going to do about it. I hope she gets help.

I walked over to talk to Matty in his car. He is so smily and chatty its hard not to like him, but I know he's a bad egg. I asked him why he smashed a bottle at Meg and tried to knock her down. He said, "She pissed me off." I asked, would you knock me down if I annoyed you?" He said, "I would never physically hit a woman with my fist."

I told you he had morals.

I asked how she had upset him, he said, "just drugs n stuff." At this point the man sitting in the passenger seat said, "I knew I'd seen you before, at the day centre!" Matty tried to explain to him about my project about communicating with your hands. He didn't explain it very well, and the man now thinks Matty talks to his hands.

I didn't correct him :)

As I was talking to them a blond man turned up in a truck. He walked over to the tables, he didn't want food or a drink, he didn't speak, he was just observing. A police car then slowly pulled up. I watched Matty get very edgy. He focused on the police car and stayed totally still. I said, "you look a bit edgy there Matty..." He smiled and winked.

The police man said to our leader, "do you want me to move the gypsy on?" It turns out the man observing was a gypsy who was trying to offer homeless people jobs in construction. Apparently he recently employed people to work down south for two weeks and only paid them £20. That is why the police were following him.

The man in the passenger seat was looking at the police man's gun. He said, "I have a gun." I said "really? Is it on you?" He said no. I asked why he needed a gun, he said because his friends get shot in town. I said, "there was a murder near where I live recently." He said, "over by the Salvation Army?" I said yes! he said "I live there!"

As it was time to clear up Timmy arrived. Timmy is very creative minded. I said, "Where have you been Timmy, you're late!" He said he had been boxing in London, World Championship, he won, knock out, one punch.

I said "goodbye" as it was time to go,

he said, "wait, I'll give you my number"

I lied, "I've already got it"

He said, "not my new one"

I said, "I havn't got my phone on me"

He said, it's ok

he pulled from his pocket a tiny piece of paper, already prepared with his name and number.

he said, "give me a call"

I lied, "Ok"

Bless him.

He has written is name TiMmy

I won't call him, but I'm keeping the piece of paper :)

32) Writing Words Down

I havn't been to the soup run or the day centre for about 2 weeks now. Life has got in the way and I have made a conscious effort to begin writing my dissertation to keep up with the theory side of the project.

This evening I went to talk to the security officers at the front desk in my student flat, about my own issues of not having any accommodation before the end of this degree.

We got onto talking about my project and they informed me of a few updates regarding events I have recently posted about.

At the end of post (31) I talked of a group of homeless people gathering outside my building, Billy said he was tired from not sleeping and the group was concerned with something, it was obvious something had happened. Well, it turns out that night there was a murder around the corner. I assume they know of people involved.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-manchester-10777518

I was also informed the rapist who has been offending recently in Manchester, who was known at the day centre, has been caught.

31) Cornerstone Day Centre 4

Thursday 22nd July

Soraya and I arrived at the day centre at lunch time. I feel more confident walking in now, I know where to go, I recognise a few faces and generally feel less intimidated. I got a bowl of soup and a man offered me a free seat. During the walk there Soraya had got me thinking about why exactly I was doing this project and how I wanted the audience to react and respond after receiving the message.

We concluded the conversation with agreeing that I needed to meet with the client again to clear up a few loose ends.

The man from the previous visit, who pulled off his finger nails, called us over to his table. I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to photograph his hands, however, once again he left before I had the chance. It's a difficult thing to bring into a natural flowing conversation.

He's explaining to me about British history and politics and I'm smiling, nodding along thinking, "how can I link this conversation with, can I take a photograph of your hand?"

I love watching people at the food counter. A man asked for a few slices of cucumber and a tray bake to be put in a little bag for ten pence. Watching him take the time to count out 10p from the money in his pocket was so touching. I can't remember the last time I bought something for 10p, it made me appreciate the value of money.

To me 10p is just loose change that makes my purse heavy, to that man 10p is worth a few slices of cucumber and a tray bake.

I forgot to mention on a previous soup run that a man gave me a marble. I was serving food and one man said, "Are you going to smile properly?" I looked up and he was smiling at me. I think he was trying to be nice. I took it as a compliment, rather than, 'what's wrong with your face?' Then the next guy in the queue gave me a white marble that he had found earlier. He didn't really say anything, he just gave me it. I know a marble isn't worth much, but the sentiment of someone offering me a small token meant a lot. I'll keep that marble.

Back at the day centre I got a cup of tea and sat at a table with an African man named Ali. I asked if I could sit down, he nodded, Ali seemed quiet shy. I am very wary meeting new people in the day centre, as you just don't know how people are going react towards you. I find myself speaking as I would to a child. Very slowly, clearly and asking basic questions. What is your name? Have you had your lunch yet? Was it nice? It gives people a chance to suss me out and get to know me. I notice when people are feeling a little uncomfortable they rarely sit still. They go to the bathroom, they go and get a drink, they go and get food, they are always on the move. I back off.

Ali eventually settled down. He saw me speaking to others which gave him more confidence. His friends seem to make fun of his memory. Saying, "Ali what's my name?" He says, "He is my friend but i cannot remember his name." His friends ask him what day it is? Ali guesses and says "Monday," it was Thursday. Everyone laughed, including Ali. I told him about my project, he seemed interested, but not enough to be involved. I decided to show him the photographs I had already taken of other people's hands and asked him what he thought. He began to understand the concept. I showed him the stories of other people I had collected and he was interested in how the stories matched the hands.

I asked again if I could photograph his hands. He said yes. I asked Ali what he thought his photograph said about himself. He didn't know. I explained that I could see he was hard working. He agreed. That he was a kind and honest man. He agreed. And I told him he was a good listener. He agreed.

Ali is from Somalia and wants to go home to see his mother. He came over and studied at university however he says he has somehow lost all of his ambition.

“ I think I am open minded and always willing to learn.”

We talk about living in England and I ask if he likes the weather, he simply says, “Not really… I get wet.”

I ask Ali about his plans for the future and if he sees himself getting home to his mother. He says,

“I am waiting for something to happen” he pauses “Some people make things happen” he looks at me and smiles, “Maybe I should make something happen.”

I smile and nod.

There was something very simple and charming about Ali. He then went and got me a cup of tea and a biscuit. Later that afternoon Ali taught me the basics of Arabic.

We both learnt something that day.

There is a guy with special needs called Darren. He sat beside me. Someone told me Darren likes girls in skirts. I was wearing a skirt. I asked Darren about the ring he was wearing. He told me his girlfriend gave it to him. I asked him what his girlfriend was like? He said, "She's lovely."

As I was speaking to Darren I overheard Ali talking to someone else, he referred to me as a journalist.

Sitting outside with Soraya, who was in deep conversation with someone about the Mustard Tree Charity, I noticed a man stumble over to the table I was sitting at. He was obviously on something. He turned round and asked me where I was from. I didn't really want to talk to him so I briefly said, Northern Ireland. His friends called him, encouraging him not to speak to me. When he turned to walk away I saw he had half an ear. There was one large bite mark. I couldn't believe it. Soraya was in too deep a conversation to interrupt.

I was ready and waiting to go, when I heard an argument start. A foreign man in crutches was arguing with a woman, possibly his girlfriend, and the manager of Cornerstones. I didn't quite understand the issues but they were yelling about heroine abuse, money, lying and the man was being asked to leave and told to sort himself out. It was very awkward as everyone sitting outside went quiet. I didn't know where to look, so I just watched a pigeon hop down some steps.

I passed the man in the street a few days later, he was on his own.

My parents came to visit me at the weekend. I had told them all about the work I was doing for my final major project. I explained to them that it is a very interesting topic and that I am being very clever. They leave me to get on with it.

One day returning to my flat, there is a homeless man sitting outside the entrance with his face in his hands. I know the person and I have in fact taken a photograph of his hands before. It's Billy, the first person I photographed, the person who got a free meal for speaking to me. I ask him if he is ok? He says yes, he is just tired. He asks if any of us smoke. We say no. He wishes us a nice day.

I reassure my parents by saying, "I feel safer knowing the people on the streets, I know that they won't hurt me." My mum says, "yes, but now he knows where you live."

A good point.

Later I see 9 people sitting with Billy. They say, "Hiya love, take care" They all seem hyped up about something, something has happened.

10 minutes later they are moved on by security.

30) Cornerstone Day Centre 3

Tuesday 20^th July, today was pretty slow at the day centre. A few people did not want to be involved in the project. This morning I sat at a table with three men, all very different. One was very well read, reading a book on politics, technology and science. One was very intelligent and doing a crossword, and one was a Bob Dylan fan, reading a joke on the back of a penguin chocolate bar.

Priceless!

I told them about my project and the well read man showed me his hands. He said he had pulled off his finger nails when he was high.

Everyone at the table looked up in disgust and all I heard was, “aww John man, I’m trying to eat my penguin!”

It was very funny!

John left before I got to photograph his hands, so I hope I see him again.

Micheal / 28

Micheal is a fire juggler who performs at festivals.

He is currently squatting and spends most of his time in the park. He says he is currently protesting as builders threaten to bulldoze the park.

He says the park is the social area for those who can’t afford to go to pubs and everyone is welcome.

“I am fighting for freedom”

What do you think you are saying in this photograph of your hands?

“Just take me as I am”

Micheal invites me to the park. I decline.

Micheal asks for my number. I decline.

Joseph / 41

“I’m pretty happy at the moment. Meeting you two and chatting with you makes me feel confident. I was shy at school.

I would like to do some voluntary work, I’m not interested in money. Life is all about money, but it should be about love.

Meeting people has more value than money.”

29) Cornerstone Day Centre 2

On Thursday 15^th July I went back to the day centre to meet more people and take more photographs. I was a lot more confident this time and thoroughly enjoyed myself. I sat next to a man named George.

George / 72

George was in the army for 2 years, he fought in Singapore between1956-58.

He used to be a photographer, he had his own dark room and took photographs for the Area News. He photographed communities and earned £10 a picture.

“Volunteering saved me. I had worked all my life then I got Protestant Work Syndrome. I was suddenly made redundant, and I felt useless. If you can’t work, you think you’re useless. In 1995 I volunteered helping the homeless and it gave me purpose again. I try and help other people but one thing you learn here is you don’t ask questions.”

Jackie / 55

Jackie is a 55 year old punk rocker. She has a shaved head and a lime green Mohawk.

She has a shopping bag with different types of coffee in it. She is preparing for her daughter getting out of jail on Friday.

I had noticed Jackie across the room the previous day and thought I could never approach her because of her strong appearance, however, she was really easy to talk to.

Jackie wore a rubber band that had S.O.P.H.I.E printed on it. I asked what it meant. It stands for, Stamp Out Prejudice Hatred and Intolerance Everywhere. It was in memory of a 21 year old girl called Sophie Lancaster who had recently been kicked to death for dressing as a goth. She was standing up for her boyfriend Robbie who survived the attack. Jackie has spoken to Robbie since and he cannot comprehend what has happened. A rock concert has been arranged in her memory and Jackie is going to attend.

Jackie told me an interesting story about how she was present at the 1971 Ibrox disaster in Glasgow when a stairway in the football stadium collapsed killing 66 people. She said she was 5 years old and her brother threw her onto the pitch. Had he not, she would have been crushed.

I asked Jackie what a punk rocker was. She said, “a rebel with a cause.”

She answered pretty quickly, something tells me she has answered that question before.

I spoke to the next person for a few hours. I just listened and learned.

For the purpose of the blog I am going to change his name.

Matty / 47

As a child Matty was beaten by his father, and his mother told him he was evil. He was a white man in Manchester's predominantly black, gooch gang. He grew up during violent times and made a lot of money as a drug dealer.

Matty's health has deteriorated and he looks older than his age. As I am introduced to him he seems lovely, he is happy and smiley and I instantly feel comfortable in his company. Matty talks very openly and honestly, he talks about getting flash backs. I ask him what they are of. He explains it is of him standing over someone watching them bleed. Speaking very quietly, so others cannot hear, I have to lean in to listen. I ask him what happened. He explains that he shot a man in the head and watched him bleed. I go nervous inside. I said, did he die? He said yes. I asked why? He said the man was black, from Jamaica and he was trying to kill him too. To clarify I said, so it was either him or you? He said yes.

There was silence.

I said, "how did it feel?"

He paused, looked me straight in the eye and said, "good...really good."

I couldn't quite believe what I was hearing. He was like a character from a film. He served his sentence. I asked how he got caught. He smiled and said the police were very clever.

The longer we talked the more I warmed to him, but my head kept repeating words that has clearly impacted me.

I almost cried as he talked about losing a 15 year old son. He said he wanted to escape the drug scene but he couldn't as his family are involved in it. I heard from someone that his children are now dealers. Matty seems quite a powerful man in one world, which contrasts his current situation.

Matty gets irritated with people turning up to the day centre drunk or on drugs. He seems to know about everyone in there. He points out who is high, who is drunk and he points out a young girl. She is pregnant and a prostitute. He says she is always pregnant and she still drinks and takes drugs. He gets really upset for her unborn child and her children.

“In life good and evil are together. Everybody lies. Everyone is too soft. I won’t say I’m sorry if I’m not. A man is a coward if he hits a woman. People all make mistakes, but they don’t learn. Make mistakes, don’t learn, make mistakes, don’t learn. I have hands in everything, but I’m a nice guy. Drugs, it’ll never stop – there is too much money. Money was my drug. I am a loyal person, but I do have two phones (smiles). I know too much. My head doesn’t stop. I never really sleep. I’m always looking at the door. I had the lot, house, car, jewellery, 2 gold teeth and I lost it all in one go. You can loose everything in a day. But, my mum told me, there is always people worse off.”

In the threat of contradiction Matty seems to be a man of strong morals. A man who I photographed the previous day comes over. He is a convicted pedophile and Matty does not like him. The man goes right into Matty's face and says, "look at you, you think because you have money, a car and women you are better than everyone else, look at you." I watch as Matty's face changes, his eye are locked and he is getting angry. He has pulled his shoulders back and he is fighting with himself not to react. I see in him a man who can be very scary.

Obviously trying to provoke him the man is told to move away. Matty is agitated and mumbling to himself, he has made a fist. I tell him not to react and that it's just a sign of jealousy. Matty threatens that something will happen to that man one day.

I ignore that.

Once I left I was told that there was someone in the room who would do any favours Matty asked as he still has a lot of control over the drug scene.

It's strange to hear, but he really is a lovely guy.

Only later do I realise he is the man I see every week sitting in the car on the soup run.

It turns out he is not a pimp, but looks out for the street workers.

I realise my company is somewhat dangerous and controversial but I will never forget the stories I heard and the people I met that day.